We moved back to the United States 9 years ago in June 03 when Christine was 11 and Sofi was 6. In the past years we renovated a 100 year old house, I attended and graduated from nursing school. My speaking career has been reborn, I’ve written a book.I’ve quit smoking, gained and lost numerous pounds, and had a variety of haircolors. We’ve had about 104 sleepovers, overall serving about 156 giggling girls, 93 pizzas and 162 bags of doritos. I’ve survived one set of teenage years and will soon begin my second and last set with Sofi.
Here’s some stuff I know:
My favorite tool was once my eyelash curler but it is now my tweezers. Financial debt, like weight, will seldom be just right and more often be up than down…so don’t lose sleep over either of them. Forgiveness is difficult but necessary and even babysteps are important. Most often, it will be the small, everyday choices that contribute to or delete from your success. People all want two things 1. to know their life mattered 2. to know that at least one person has seen their uniqueness loved them completely. Seeing the tiny everyday miracles and developing an ongoing gratitude for them will make your life happier. Friends are really important. The Universe is abundant. You have to start someplace and at sometime in order to get anywhere. I learn more when I listen. God loves everyone. Don’t limit the limitless God.
Other things I know: your car’s rearview mirror in natural sunlight is the best place to tweeze, wrinkles can be really sexy if you wear them with confidence, and a camera pointed at a middle aged woman will add 32 pounds and 7.6 years in a photograph.
A few days ago I was in the vegetable department of the grocery store when I noticed a women who’d been a few years older than me in high school. I’d not seen her in years and was surprised as to how much older she looked. It occurred to me that I must also look alot older.
That night I dreamt I was a very old lady, living out the last day of mylife.. When I awakened, I had the definitive realization of how very short life is. I will soon be fifty-two. I still have many years of productivity left but, I also have less years than I did before.
Fewer years to love my kids. Fewer years to hang out with my parents. Fewer years to make the world a better place. Fewer years to find my soul mate.
Recognizing less time is available is a good thing. As it is, I often fritter time away. If if lived forever, I would probably get little to nothing done. Time is our most precious asset. It is irreplaceable, and, in the case of the human life, finite.
Yesterday I was talking to a friend who said the most valuable gift you can give your children is time. This truism extends to everyone you meet.
Take time to talk to and see people in your life. Put down the cell phone and share the present moment with the human beings that enter your space.
In a day out in the world we are surrounded by mail carriers, teachers, grocery clerks, librarians, nurses, government employees, business owners, chefs, construction workers, and sales people and they all have wonderful stories to share about working in their profession.
Behind every home we pass there are happily married couples, single parents, expecting mothers, grandparents, single unmarried people, teenager, small children, people in pain, people in love and they all have a back story about their the life they are living .
A day in my life is a sacred, precious gift. Moments spent with other human beings are sacred enounters.
I have no idea how many days or years are left in my life and, it really doesn’t matter.
I just had a great opportunity to be a part of a positive radio program called Joyspeak. Joanne Fisher is fulfilling her destiny of making the world a better place by giving us positive news that we don’t get through other news sources.
If you have a moment to give yourself a happiness break check out her website and listen to her internet radio program.
I travel often and rely on my GPS to get me places. To make this work, I need to listen to the directions it gives me. If I am preoccupied with a conversation, daydreaming, or listening to books on tape, I may be too distracted to follow my GPS instructions. Afterall, I, not my GPS, is steering the car. So if I miss a turn or turn incorrectly this isn’t the fault of my GPS. When I plug in my destination, my GPS is programmed to get me there.
We all come equipped with an internal GPS. When we plug specific goals into our GPS, it gives us directions to reach these goals.
If you decide you want to lose ten pounds, your internal GPS will navigate directions to lose it. Sometimes revealing itself as a tiny inner voice, your GPS will whisper to you throughout the day.
For example, while ordering lunch at a local fast food restaurant, it’s your inner GPS whispering “You should have a salad” . The problem is, you’re steering your life. So, you can heed your inner GPS directions or blow it off and order a double cheeseburger with a large fry and a malt. You remain in charge, afterall.
When you plunk down onto your couch at the end of a workday, your inner GPS might suggest you hit the treadmill. Once again, the directions are there but the choice remains yours.
Our inner GPS is set up to get us to our goals. If we want a better relationship with our child or spouse it will give us directions to get there. If we want to quit smoking or drinking alcohol our inner GPS is ready to help. If you have career goals and aspirations, plug them in and you will be on your way…
…as long as you listen, and heed the directions it gives.
Yesterday morning my youngest daughter asked me if we could sit and have breakfast together. It was an unusual request, but I was delighted.
As we sat chatting, a message came in on my phone. and I automatically read the message. Glancing up from my phone, I saw a pan soaking from the night before and, without thinking, I got up to wash it then proceeded to put the milk away, and began to tidy up the kitchen.
Suddenly I realized that my focus was supposed to have been spending time with my daughter. Just seconds before I’d been seated across from her listening. But, once I was distracted by the phone, sequential distractions completely stripped away my attention..
We live in a world where we are very connected to each other, via internet, cell phones, skype, etc.. Unfortunately, I do not believe we are very connected with each other.
Constant access to other people and events, can make concentrating on our AM ( activity of the moment) or pm ( person of the moment) challenging. Like a pin ball, we are bounced from one bright light to the next. It is unnatural and unhealthy both for us, and for our relationships.
In his book “Brain Rules” John Medina talks about our minds not being made to multi task. When multi-tasking, we perform all tasks at a much lower level of proficiency simply because our brains are built to concentrate on one task at a time. Example: while typing this, if I check my cell phone, it takes a moment for me to re focus my attention back to my writing.
Liken multi-tasking to attempting to throw one dart at two separate bulleyes. It can’t be done.
In our society, it is almost natural to have a conversation with someone, while they text a conversation with another person elsewhere. It is common to see a person go through a check out line, talking on the cell phone while they communicate their purchase with a salesclerk.
It’s sad, really.
Sad that a bell or light blinking on our phone can grab out attention away from a real human being.
Once I caught myself, I left my phone in my purse and sat down again with my daughter. I watched her expressions while she talked. I heard the nuances in her voice and listened to the words she chose to use. She is a beautiful, funny, intelligent young woman. Because I gave her my full attention, I was blessed with the energy from her presence,.
Whatever the blinking light on your cell phone offers, I guarantee it will pale in comparison to the life force of a living, breathing person before you.
Give your full attention to your person of the moment because in these encounters we find our best life.
My mom likes to joke that as a parent she has bruised knees and a bloody tongue. The bruised knees are from praying on them. The bloody tongue is from stopping herself from saying something.
My oldest daughter and I have recently had turmoil over her buying a car. She knows what she wants and can legally purchase it. During our discussions, I feel my advice is dismissed. This frustrates me. Admittedly, I am not a car expert. But at age fifty-one, I’ve owned a few more than she has.
During our last heated discussion she ran up to her bedroom, spitting out some unpleasantry while closing her bedroom door. I started up the stairs after her and stopped dead in my tracks.
Suddenly I realized that in regard to this car topic, I had tossed out everything I know and have taught about communication. I’d blown it.
First of all, no one communicates positively while angry. It isn’t possible. During moments of high emotion, the best choice is to allow the person (or yourself ) to cool off.
One cools off by “biting your tongue”. If, instead of retreating had I plowed into her bedroom and continued, the discussion would have escalated into an arguement.
Retreating gave both of us time to cool down. Within moments, the electricity in the air settled. By then, I understood that we would need to choose a better time and place to discuss this issue.
I also needed to lay a positive foundation by communicating my love for her, and my desire that her choice brings contentment. In the past, my love had been drowned out by my passionate concern.
One of my favorite topics is the power of the pause. A pause allows you to take a ‘time out’ before acting to reflect upon whether your actions are getting your closer to. or further away from your goal.
Biting your tongue is a powerful tool to use in communication. It allows us to listen to the other person, and reflect upon our next choice of action.
And, by the way, while your are biting your tongue… getting down on your knees for a quick bit of advice can’t hurt either.
My Pomeranean Isle is the most implusive animal I know. Walking her daily takes all of my patience because she barks wildly at every person, vehicle, bird, or fluttering leaf she sees. She has never even nipped at a person, but when she barks foam practically emits from her mouth causing other pedistrians to cross the street to avoid her.
Isla is always straining at her leash, wanting to get ahead. She coughs and chokes as a result of her own impatience. If I had a 100 foot leash Isle would be 101 feet ahead of me. I can’t imagine she enjoys our walks, straining ahead, coughing and choking while being shushed by me when she begins barking wildy. But every morning, when I say “walk?’ Isla jumps with joy.
Watching Isla reinforces the power of savoring to appreciate the current moment. Isla can’t figure this out but as people we can.
While on a walk, I can be aware of my surroundings, the noises, the clean air, the feeling of my feet moving on the sidewalk. Becoming aware increases the satisfaction I experience.
Chewing slowly and savoring every bite, allows me to appreciate the crisp crunch and tangy flavors of an apple.
Last night my fourteen year old, Sofi, and I watched a movie in my bed. She fell asleep with me. This morning she began telling me about a funny dream she’d had. I was typing this blog while she began talking. Instead of typing while listening, I stopped to give her my full attention. I am so glad I did. Sofi’s descriptions are so clever and her face comes alive when she retells a story. Had I not given her my full attention I would have missed out.
Too often I press ahead to the next experience without fully experiencing the one currently happening. It must look silly from above. Pretty much like Isla…pulling on her leash, wheezing and coughing during this moment while getting nowhere faster to the next.
Today I will take mental snapshots of lovely moments so I can remember them later. Today, when straining to think ahead, I will pause, and return to the present moment…sucking in all the blessings it offers.
Use the power of the pause to savor your present moments today.
This morning I woke up at 7am, thinking about Angela, a young mother of two little boys who was being prepped for brain surgery in Des Moines, IA.
I lied in bed thinking she must have held her babies extra tight at bedtime last night. I’d guess she lingered a few extra moments in the arms of her husband this morning before getting ready for the ride to the hospital.
We live out our days making plans for the future: a dinner date with an old friend next week, Christmas eve with extended family, our high school reunion next summer. Yet, it take only a moment containing: a diagnosis, an accident, a job loss, a piece of critical information about a loved one, and our plans for the future change.
Last evening I had an enjoyable conversation with a very smart contemporary. We’d both experienced making considerable money and losing considerable money. Summing it all up, he said “In the end, money’s nice but it really doesn’t matter about the stuff. I just really want to be happy.”
Studies have revealed that once people have enough money to comfortably cover the basics, additional money doesn’t increase create much increased happiness. My friend agreed, saying “More money means you just buy more expensive stuff. It’s really easy to get caught up chasing your tail just to keep things afloat.”
We all get a bit of a “high” in buying new things. Recent studies have shown the thrill of buying a new car wears off within a month. The thrill of getting a new house wears off in an average of three months. This is when the tail chasing begins. More, more, more.
I am sure the last thing on Angela’s mind last evening was her bank account. I think she stole into her little boys’ rooms to hear their sleepy sounds. This morning, I bet she breathed in her husband’s cologne as he leaned over her to kiss her on her way into surgery.
Happiness comes in the tiny little moments that happen now. As I write this I am sitting in my snuggly bed, with new books strewn around me. This morning I took an extra long walk, and enjoyed part of it with my mom. I ate a bowl of cherries, probably the last ones of the summer season.
Life is really good when we take moments to recognize the simple gifts it brings. It doesn’t cost a thing to pet my dogs, or savor a glass of ice tea. Yet it is all very nice indeed and I am truly thankful.
Lately a few darks clouds have been showing up overhead. I found a that a friend has been suffering from extreme sadness. The news shows the economy tanking. Norway is still reeling from a recent hate crime that took the lives of innocent people.
What to do when darkness hovers like this, threatening to block out the light I know exists above the clouds? It’s tempting to wallow. Oddly enough, when we are in a state of negative emotion we tend to almost seek out more negative stuff to verify our right to be there. Strange but true.
When life turns dark like this, I take out my pre-prepared “Things that lift my mood” list.
Taking a walk. Listening to my “Dance with Strangers” dvd. Baking Oatmeal Craisin cookies. Writing in my Journal. Swimming at the Recreation Hall. Calling a friend to laugh. Searching out funny clips on Utube. Cutting down weeds with my ginsu kitchen knife. Looking at new recipes for dinner. Playing my guitar.
I have a very long list of things I enjoy. When I find something new to enjoy I try to jot it down on my list for future reference during darker days.
Here’s the truth. Good thoughts and feelings don’t aways just show up. Sometimes we need to be willing to seek them out. We can do this by having a back up plan of activities we enjoy. That way, when the dark clouds hover overhead, we have a positive action plan that will push them aside and let the sun shine through.
