This week I have felt particularly grateful. Nothing huge has happened . I haven’t won a lottery, didn’t lose a bunch of weight, or meet a new friend. Overall, it’s been a pretty average week…except for this rainbow of gratitude that’s followed me.
I skyped for the first time this week which enabled me to talk and see my oldest daughter Christine, who’s spending the summer in Norway. Sweet stuff that skype. Good kid my Christine.
My youngest daughter, Sofi and I have had a fun week just hanging out together. Nothing monumental, but a gentle reminder of what a really nice kid she is. I am blessed with two very wonderful daughters.
My back hurts from exercising. Really hurts. But I got relief from my chiropractor. I am grateful I can get help. I am grateful that I have a higher than average pain tolerance.
I’ve had nice talks with my friends throughout the week. My friends are a blessing to me. They make me laugh, they tell me the truth, and they take my side.
I am grateful for prewashed romaine lettuce. Grateful for good books I am reading. Grateful for my wacky sense of humor that keeps me laughing even when I am alone. My pets irritate me when they poop on the floor, but they also adore me and for that I am grateful. I’ve found a pair of shorts, on sale, that look great on my fifty-one year old body and I bought two pair. This week I’ve kept my house relatively clean. I’ve ordered marketing materials for speaking. My yellow lilies are in full bloom. My porch flowers look terrific. I ate my first potted porch tomato, it was delicious.
Life is good but not because of wonderful big stuff.
Life is good when we decide to appreciate the small stuff.
One afternoon while playing in her backyard, a little girl stumbled upon a butterfly fighting to emerge from its cocoon. In an effort to help the butterfly, she carefully widened the opening, quickening the butterfly’s escape. But instead of flying away, the butterfly weakly flopped about the ground. The little girl ran to get her mother’s help telling her mom how she’d helped the butterfly.
The mom explained that a butterfly’s battle to emerge from a cocoon is necessary to build up the strength of its wings so it can fly and without this strength the butterfly would die.
We live in a fast paced world where immediate gratification is valued and expected. Drive through fast food quickly satisfies our hunger. Internet and cell phones give us instant entertainment and communication. We yearn for quick weight loss tips and scratch off lottery tickets that will create instant wealth.
In this enviroment of instant gratification, it is easy to forget the power struggling can give us.
When I began swimming, twenty laps would leave me breathless and tired. Despite the discomfort I perserved and eventually was able to swim one hundred laps without difficulty. Years ago when training as a new nurse on the hospital unit I often felt overwhelmed with all I had to learn. Years later, those initial challenges are now second nature to me.
Struggling to overcome new challenges builds our resiliency muscle and strengthens our self confidence. If you are currently overwhelmed with a challenge, remember past challenges you managed to overcome. Recall the pride you had when you succeeded. Use that past success to spur confidence in the next.
Remember that the struggle you are currently experience is a necessary process to building stronger resiliancy, more powerful self esteem, and increasing your skills set.
“We live in a world of words. What we say about ourselves, to ourselves, about others and to others creates our reality. …. Words are everything to us” Reb David
I recently caused someone pain when I made a poor word choice in describing a challenge he is facing. It wasn’t my intention to cause pain but it did. This person responded by being angry, resentful, and defensive.
Initially, I defended my word choice because my intention was not to cause harm. After more thought, I understood that I needed to apologize because, intention aside, I hurt him.
Words have enormous power. Once they are spoken, they cannot be retrieved. I regret not choosing my words more wisely.
Judism recognizes evil speech, lashon harah in Hebrew, as the greatest of all sins because it can destroy relationships between people and nations.
Baal Sheem Tor, the 18th century founder of Hasidic Judism, taught that each human being is born with a fixed number of words to speak. When the final word is spoken the person dies. Note that it is the number of words spoken, not the choice of words. Therefore, since the word count is not known to us, our next word could be our last word.
In order to decide whether something is worth saying, Rami Shapiro asks us to consider these three questions:
1. Is what I am about to say true? If it isn’t true, don’t say it. If it is true then ask yourself…
2. Is what I am about to say kind? If it isn’t kind, don’t say it. If it is both true and kind then ask yourself…
3. Is what I am about to say necessary? If it isn’t necessary don’t say it. If it is necessary to say something that is less than kind, say it in a compassionate way and accept the consequences.
Although I hope for forgiveness, I realize that this person my never forgive my unkind words. Even so, I owe him a debt of gratitude because of the painful lesson this experience taught me.
In his book, The Five Agreements, Dr Miguel Ruiz lists the very first agreement as:
1. Be impeccable with your word. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
I am impatient. I want to fix things in my life, and fix them quickly. My repertoire contains things such as: three day diets and interpersonal relationships skyrocketed and crashed in two days. When I sense a hole in y life my first reaction is to fill it up, often with whatever is most readily available.
Recently, and friend pointed out my reluctance to surrender. I listened and agreed with him. Surrender, to me, seemed like a dirty word. Isn’t surrender synonymous with “giving up”? Duh! Who wins if they give up?
Lately, I’ve begun to understand that the act of surrendering can also be a powerful action of choice.
Imagine this scene, a flood has leveled a city and rescue crews find a survivor clinging to the higher branches of a tree. The water rages beneath her. The rescue helicopter lowers a rescue worker down to the woman, he ties a rope around her waist and tells her to let go of the tree so they can pull her to safety. She hesitates. In order to be saved, she must let go of the tree that has kept her alive for hours throughout the night. She must surrender.
I am not very good as deciding when surrendering is best but I do believe that my Higher Power has the best in mind for me.
So this week, I arm myself in faith and pray for the power of surrender.
I’ve always prided myself on my ability to leap in and swim with whatever life throws my way.
For example, within days of moving to Norway, with no knowledge of the language, I navigated a bus, a train, and a long walk in downtown Oslo (due to getting off at the wrong station) to meet a group of Americans at a cafe. I was late, perspiring, and my three year old was tired and crabby but we made it.
That week I also threw a dinner party at which I served my first leg of lamb. Not a huge deal. But the oven was a European contraption, and I’d gathered my groceries on a bicycle.
When we started our home based mail order calendar business my Norwegian husband wrote out a script in Norwegian so I could answer the phone. I listened carefully,and attempted to pick a proper response. It worked occasionally. I mostly irritated people, but I gave it a try.
Upon returning to the United States I needed a new career. I decided upon nursing in one afternoon. I’d always been in business and had never washed a body part other than my babies. It was a stretch for me, but I leaped into it.
But even I have to admit that there are those times when patience just works best.
Patience when developing a love connection. Internet, texting, and a lonely heart can give you the impression you are well acquainted but time will tell . And time demands patience.
Or when considering a retort to my angry teenager who “hates” me because I am “stupid” and my curfew “sucks”. As a mother, many immediate, clever responses come to mind but quiet patience may yield a better response.
Or when beginning a weight loss and exercise program. As much as I’d like to change my world by the weekend, I know that time and patience will bear the best fruit to my labor.
In my closet I have a bag of unmatched socks. When the rest of my laundry is tucked away, I pull out the bag to match leftovers. Once in awhile I am impatient. I will pair two socks that are close, but not identical matches. Dumb move, because when the right match does come around, my mismatched socks are tucked into my drawer or under my daughter’s bed.
My impatience created a solution, but it was ill-matched. Had I considered time as a gift, rather than a threat, I would have found athe best solution.
So there is a case for leaping into life, except for those times when we need to seek counsel in patience.
Last week my best friend called with terrible news. Her husband’s biopsy came back cancerous. Her voice trembled as she spoke of her future and the tearful reaction of her children. She was afraid and I was heartbroken for her.
Days later, I called to see how she is holding up. She optimistically told me that they’d checked into this particular type of cancer and had found it to be highly curable. She was upbeat, positive and said they were all convinced the treatment would go well. No one wants cancer but this event has pulled their family together. Now she will wait to see how things turn out.
In his book, All I Really Needed to Know I learned in Kindergarden, Robert Fulghum writes, “As long as life exists, something always happens next.”
When current events in our life become difficult, we can calm ourselves by simply deciding to wait to see how things turn out.
Several months ago a friend of mine lost his job. It was ecomonically devastating and caused him to move from his own apartment into the home of a relative. Months later he finds himself working in a better job, living closer to his daughter, whom he adores. Initially, losing his job looked like a bad thing but it turned out to be a good thing afterall.
Last year a friend of mine was experiencing marital difficulties. At the time we were all very reactive, and thoughts were that she would separate. When the storm calmed they attended marital counseling. Today their relationship seems stronger and happier. So despite all the drama of a year ago, things turned out.
Of course, one could argue that any one of these given situations could have turned out differently and they’d be right. Even so, there is always “something that happens next” . Even difficult and painful experiences can lead to happiness.
Choosing to wait tosee how things turn out can keep you from catastrophizing about all the things that can possible go wrong but in the end, probably won’t happen.
Choosing to wait to see how things turn out can also help you put current events into perspective so you can be happier in the moment, no matter what is going on.
I recently became disillusioned with a friendship I initially felt was going well. When this happens, I tend to perservate but the truth is, all my thinking doesn’t change what simply “is”. Our friendship will either end or be stronger. If it ends, I will move on and so will he. Either way there will be “something that happens next” . There’s always some positive that comes from challenges. In this case, I am defining what I want from a these types of friendships.
In the meanwhile, I will simply wait to see how things turn out.
I spent last weekend nursing on the adolescent unit of our behavioral health hospital. Over the days, I heard many sad and disturbing stories of poor parenting, bullying at school, and abuse. The reoccurring theme beneath of of these stories was “life isn’t fair”. This is so true. Life isn’t fair.
It isn’t fair that a child grows up with two parents addicted to drugs and alcohol. It is isn’t fair that a family loses two children in a car accident or both parents in an accident. It isn’t fair that new mother is diagnosed with breast cancer. It isn’t fair to be married to a man who beats you or a woman who cheats on you.
Life isn’t fair and very few of us get through life without a number of unfair and random knocks along side the head.
Plowing through the pain and the emotional upheaval of events like these is tough enough without adding the expectation that life should not treat us this way.
When bad things happen to us, it really isn’t personal. The world isn’t out to screw us over and hurt us. We just happened to be in the path of a runaway car. All we can do is be kind to ourselves, take an acounting of damage and pain, and move forward as best we can considering the circumstances. If we expect life to be fair we impede the process of acceptance and hinder our healing.
Resiliency is strengthened when we negotiate through difficult and painful life events. You can’t change what has happened, but is there a way for you to see some strengths or wisdom that you gained from the event?
Life isn’t fair and many of the challenges that come our way are not within our control. Instead, we control how we respond to life events. Deciding to take control by seeing the learning helps strengthen our resiliency and adaptability through future life challenges.
Several weeks ago I moved my daughter into her first apartment. It was wet outside, and while we were carrying items in I noticed Christine becoming a bit agitated. Finally, she asked me if I could please “remove my shoes” due to tracking mud into her new place. I laughed inside. This from a kid who’s bedroom in my home is carpeted with clothes. But that’s how we all are. We take better care of things that are new.
When I first bought my car, I vowed to keep it clean. Two years later, a frozen cup of pop is stuffed into a side pocket. Coats and papers line the backseat. It isn’t clean. It isn’t new. I don’t take very good car of my car any longer.
Same with our bodies. How often do take our bodies for granted? Sometimes we even despise our body. We are the first to take a “jab” at our weight or size for fear someone else will beat us to the punch.
Whether you are in great shape or not, your body is still getting you through the day and for that reason alone, it should be appreciated.
It is alot easier to care for something we value. A good way to begin valuing our body is by taking considering its magnificence.
In one day, your heart beats about 103,680 times. You don’t even have to think about it and there is is…beating away pumping an average of one million barrels of blood in a lifetime. Wow. How cool is that?
Your liver serves a vital function in almost every system in your body. It produces hormones and digestive enzymes, it filters your blood, it provided the last bit of chemical digestion of medications. Your liver does all of this, without you even thinking of it! You’ve got an amazing, beautiful, liver my friend!
Your skin is the largest organ in your body. It is said to contain about 45 miles of nerves endings which protect you from harm by signaling pain but also signal pleasure when someone special kisses the back of your neck (oh yes!). Skin regulates our body temperature, acts as a protective barrier bacteria and viruses, and holds in your parts. Your skin rocks!
I could go on and on, because each one of us has so many lovely, wonderful body parts that get us through the day.
All these parts aside, you are unique. You may share talents with others, but you bring your own history and perpective making everything you touch uniquely yours.
Are you feeling special yet? You should be…pretty soon here…
So taking care of your blessed self just makes sense. It begins by treating yourself with kindness.
Do not belittle yourself. People come in different shapes and sizes. You are magnificent and once in forever and always. Taking a cruel shot at your wonderful self does not serve you. Treat yourself with respect.
One of the benefits of aging has to be recognizing that beauty isn’t skin deep. Beauty is a sum of all you are.
We take better care of things we treasure. Take an accounting of wonderful you and all you bring to the world. Then begin taking very good and tender care of lovely you.
I let things go. For example, I do not dust. Ok, well, occasionally I swipe my shirt sleeve across a tv screen but that’s only when the iron chef kitchen looks foggy.
I have a pile of mail to sort through. When I open my fridge something sinister whispers to me from an uncovered tupperware dish shoved to the back of my second shelf. I am frightened. So I slam the door shut and plan to deal with it another day.
I let things go.
But since losing weight, one thing I do not allow myself to ignore is exercise. Five days a week, I work out. I may work out with my trainer for a half-hour, or I may swim my hundred laps, or do the eliptical for forty-five minutes. But I work out come “hell or high water”.
It isn’t convenient to maintain this work-out schedule. Sometimes I have to get up at 5:30am to get to the gym or pool. But I do it because I have committed to having a healthier lifestyle and I know working out is a major part of it.
I also do it because, as a grown-up at fifty years old. I know there are things that I don’t necessarily want to do but I have to do.
Like, I have to brush my teeth. I have to comb my hair. In this society shaving is pretty much the norm. So, although I don’t always enjoy all these things, I choose to do them rather than go into public as a foul-breathed, wild-haired, bushy, fifty year old. Exercise has become basic upkeep for me. I make time for it because I know I have to.
At fifty, our metabolism natural slows down as part of the aging process. Fat increases and muscle mass decreases. Our resting metabolic rate which accounts for 65% of our daily calorie burning has decreased by 10% than it was in our 20′s and 30′s.
Considering all of this fun action, I have to exercise in order to counteract the slow down in my metabolism. I have to lift weights in order to counter my depleting muscle mass.
Working out isn’t an option if you want to lose weight or maintain a weight loss.
Others tips to counteract your slowing metabolism:
Drink more water. A German study found that drinking a half liter of water temporarily raised metabolism by 30%.
Eat a small meal every three hours. Studies find that eating two large meals a day slows down your metabolism. You body automatically slows down because it is unsure of your next meal and is protecting you against starvation. So eating 5-6 small meals a day, every three hours keeps your body at a optimal metobolic burn rate.
Eat breakfast: Breakfast…break the fast from the overnight of not eating! It is the most important meal of the day. Studies show over and over that not eating breakfast leads to weight problems.
So take a walk. Get on a eliptical, go for a swim. The point is get out there and shake your groove thing. I am off to the gym for a swim!
Remember, this is the only body you will ever have. Take good care of it!
In the past five months I’ve lost thirty pounds and dropped lots of inches. Many friends, co-workers, and strangers at my speaking events have asked me how I’ve managed it. So I decided to begin a series of blogs and articles that I hope will encourage you on your weightloss journey.
Today, I want to diffuse the myth of motivation. Too often we hold off beginning an exercise or better eating plan by falsely believing we need a “motivational fairy dusting” in order to begin.
We con ourselves by saying things like “I just have to wait until it ‘clicks’”, or “I have to get my head around it,” to get started.
This is internal propaganda, and subscribing to it will only stop you from taking action. It’s like tying your feet together before you begin a race. This sabotaging talk will stop you from taking the most important first step..
Question:
When your sink is piled with dishes do you wait for motivational fairy dusting to wash them? You may wait for awhile, but eventually you wash those dishes because you know it is absolutely necessary if you want to serve and eat food again.
What’s the difference between taking care of our health and washing those dirty dishes?
Simple. We see washing dishes as a necessity but we consider exercising and eating healthy as optional.
You may not feel the best: you may huff and puff as you walk upstairs, you may have out of control cholesterol, your families may be scared to death for you….but you’re still breathing, right?
I mean, as foolish as it is, that’s the bottom line isn’t it?
(The only reason I can talk to you this way is because five months ago my cholesteral was sky high, my knees ached, and my waist measurement put me at risk for a heart attack.)
So here’s the bottom line. You have to change the way you think about your health. You have to stop believing that your heart will continue beating until one day it gives you its “four week notice”.
Heart attacks don’t happen that way.
You have to decide that taking care of health isn’t like saving up for a great vacation: it is isn’t frilly option. Exercising and getting to a healthy weight is necessary. Taking care of your health is even more necessary than washing those dirty dishes.
Do you need motivation to exercise?
Nope. You just gotta do it.
I wasn’t enchanted when I began five months ago. I had left over personal training sessions from long ago that our local recreation center still honored. I attended the first few reluctantly. I complained. I didn’t work too hard. But I kept going. (I detest washing dishes,too, but I still wash them!)
Eventually, I began to take it more seriously and saw how silly it was to work out but not be cautious about my eating.
It clicked. It took awhile, but it clicked.
It’s been hard, good, rewarding, work…kind of like house renovations. It took time and effort but now, when I step back and look at myself I am proud.
Here’s what I want you to know..
It’s worth it! Every pool lap, every crunchy, every panting, breathless, painful moment…
Worth it! God Blessing on YOUR journey to better health!
P.S. My website pics and video are from years ago, before I lost weight. I will post new pics this spring. YAHOOOOOOO!
